On Leave

Listen: Podcast, no5

I'll be out of town for the next two weeks. It's vacation, it is. So this is available a little early and there won't be anything next weekend. Sorry for any inconvenience. Just listen to an old one. Or give the thoughts in your head a fair shake. Business will resume on August 13th. Also, I think it's only fair to say that this was recorded in the middle of the night on several consecutive evenings without sleep. Crack. The tracks:

“Pull Shapes” by The Pipettes
“The Comeback” by Shout Out Louds
“Don’t Feel Right” by The Roots
“For the Actor” by Mates of State
“Save It For Later” by The English Beat
“Dead Funny” by Archie Bronson Outfit
“Fuck It Up (Acoustic)” by Towers of London
“Multiply” by Jamie Lidell
“Hype Boys” by Sway
“As Far As the Eye Can See” by Radio 4
“Goin’ Against Your Mind” by Built To Spill

As usual, the podcast is available throught RSS or iTunes. Here are the appropriate links:

Click here to subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.
Click here to visit the "Pleasing To Your Ears" page in the iTunes Music Store, where you can pick and choose from available episodes.

And for you folks that poo poo the enhanced podcast, here's the mp3 for episode five:

no5 :: Seat of the Pants Mexican Hat Dance

That's it for episode five and the month of July. Please tell your friends. Please tell me what you think. Please link on your blogs. Please tune in two weeks from now!

Man's Inhumanity To Son

I witnessed some more questionable, borderline-abusive behavior while buying my lunch today. I'm like a magnet for this shit, like Bruce Willis in "Unbreakable". Only without the somber disposition. And the family. And I can't bench press all that much weight. Also, I think I've got the flu.

This man was being a psychotic bastard to his kid. My supposition being that if he's willing to make such a scene in public, then it's likely that there's a monkey wrench at home, behind closed doors that's not just for plumbing. You dig my Will Huntingesque parallels? That sort of a situation can wind up good for the kid: he mows lawns, saves money, runs away and breaks the cycle. Or it ends up bad for everybody: kid turns 18 and kills father in his sleep.

When did this become a blog devoted to child abuse? HAPPY FRIDAY!

Gamine, In A Dudely Way

This morning, as I was doing the zombie shuffle from the train to the office, I noticed an older couple in front of me. The man was wearing a charity 5k shirt with a list of sponsors on the back. "HEB," I thought to myself. "Wait. HEB? TEXAS! WOAI? KJ-97? SAN ANTONIO!"

TheSteve: Are ya'll from San Antonio?
Man: (startled) Yes!
TheSteve: I'm from San Antonio. Welcome to New York. Are you lost?
Man: Which way is...Columbus Avenue.
TheSteve: Take a left at the next corner.
Couple: Thanks.

And then I veered off to my building. I'm like goddamn Amelie or some shit.

New Buttons

'Eyyyyyyyyyy, loteria, loteria, loteria, lo-tto!

I made a new set of buttons from loteria playing sheets. All of your favorite Spanish nouns are here: El negrito, El diablito, La mano, La bota, El sol....



There are a bunch of others too. They blow doors down. Don't you think so, Day of the Dead Disco Ninja?

Let's Get Retarded

I've been working day and night this week on a site. I've also been tying up loose ends before I leave for two weeks of little deserved vacation. I'm stretched a bit thin. I took my book out on the train this morning and it was inky. When I got to work, I found a pen at the bottom of my bag. It hadn't exploded but I had failed to put the cap on after using it. Inky and Retarded.

Shudder Recoil Grimace

OK. So let me set the stage. I get on the R Train and this little girl (maybe 7 or 8?) is swinging around one of the poles. Now, nevermind the irony should she grow up and seek employment as an exotic dancer, taking her tits and minge out for singles. I for one think that if you can't control your kids on the train, you shouldn't have kids. Already have some? Then it's time to put them down. But that's not the point...

This girl is swinging around and her parents are oblivious. Pay attention to your fucking spawn, lest they get snatched, right? It turns out they weren't the parents at all, b'c they got off the train and didn't bat a lash at leaving this girl behind. I just assumed they were related b'c the girl was vaguely Persian and they were some sort of indeterminate ethnicity with olivey-brown skin. Everybody else around the girl is white. Who does this little shit belong to?

So she's swinging and swinging and swinging when suddenly His Highness Sir Creepington, Lord of Creepbury Manor, King Creep of All He Surveys, strikes up a conversation with the girl. This guy is about 60 with pederast coke bottle glasses, shoulder-length gray hair that is stringy and greasy and a pock-marked face that just screams "I'd Rather Be Raping". Everything about him sets my Spidey Sense a-twirlin' and a-whirlin'. But the girl is just happy to have someone to pole dance for.

Lamb. To. The. Fucking. Slaughter.

So what follows is an actual exchange between the two of them that I overheard:

King Creep: Be careful. You're going to fall and hurt yourself.
Girl: ...
King Creep: Today is candy day. Do you want some candy?
Girl: Please tell my Mom I've been good.

WHAT THE FUCK? TODAY IS CANDY DAY?!?! HURK! It was like textbook, After School Special kiddie baiting. It was at this point that I got off the train. It's too bad. I could've turned the guy into Oprah for the Pedophile Reward Money. Lord knows I need it.

Listen: Podcast, no4

This week's podcast is about getting the blood pumping and also a source of inspiration for my sister as she studies/sits for the Texas BAR. My apologies for getting this post up on Monday morning. The podcast was uploaded last nite but I had pretty spotty Internet access, so I'm a tad late with the track list. Anyway, enough of my excuses, here are the songs:

“Fuck You” by Pharoahe Monch
“Huddle Formation” by The Go! Team
“Presidente” by Kinky
“Girl” by Beck
“Phone Sex” by The Fitness
“Is It Just Me?” by The Darkess
“This Fire” by Franz Ferdinand
“Freetime” by Kenna
“Timebomb” by The Old 97s
“Tribulations” by LCD Soundsystem
“So Sensitive” by Pete Miser
“Hot Night Crash” by Sahara Hot Nights
“Oh My Corazon” by Tim Burgess
“Letter from an Occupant” by The New Pornographers
“P’s and Q’s” by Kano

As usual, the podcast is available throught RSS or iTunes. Here are the appropriate links:

Click here to subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.
Click here to visit the "Pleasing To Your Ears" page in the iTunes Music Store, where you can pick and choose from available episodes.

And for you folks that poo poo the enhanced podcast, here's the mp3 for episode four:

no4 :: Studying for the BAR, Elbows and Assholes

And finally, I mentioned a few music links of interest. Here they are:

Motion Theory's video for Beck's "Girl"
The Brooklynites photo project by Anthony LaSala and Seth Kurshner

That's it for episode four. Please tell your friends. Please tell me what you think. Please tune in next week. Booyah!

Too Much Time Down the Rabbit Hole

I haven’t been sleeping lately. It’s definitely an anxiety-based insomnia. Last night, I forgot to go to sleep. Well, I suppose that’s not the absolute truth. I tried for a bit. I turned off the lights and lay motionless in the path of the A/C stream. Getting horizontal only proved to quiet the background psychic static and make my thoughts more clear. With the volume turned up, my mind started to rev faster and faster, eventually propelling me from my bed and back to the computer. Thirty minutes passed before I thought to put on some underwear. Aside from exchanging a dozen words with Dubbs, I sat in solitude in my room, the curtain drawn, the temperature regulated, the caffeine flowing, the Massive Attack providing a chilling ambience.

While coding a website I managed to touch the thing that makes me happy. I had a moment. Tonight, before I crash, I’m going to try to glimpse that again.

Newness

Refreshing Newness: It's been more than two months since I wrote something for the site. And while "Recent Advertising Campaign Device, Writ Large" isn't exactly a triumphant return to form, it's not too shabby. I promise more in a timely fashion. Maybe even comics. Maybe.

Podcast: mp3s Available

Here are the mp3s for the first three episodes of the podcast:

no1 :: We All Have To Start Somewhere
no2 :: Acting Snide While Hitting A Stride
no3 :: Rallying Suburbanites With Pirate Radio

Right-click and save them to your desktop if you please. Put 'em on your iPod (or other mp3 player) if you want to. These mp3s are not enhanced podcasts which means no album art, no skipping around inside the episode. Subscribing via iTunes is still the best way to go.

Beard Papa

I grew a beard last Fall when I was in London b'c I wouldn't be working for a couple of months and wouldn't have to face an employer during the awkward middling stage of growth. I've noticed a ton of beards around NY, particularly with the unwashed Brooklyn masses. I thought it was heightened awareness b'c I was now a member of this folicularly-gifted subset of the urban landscape. But apparently it's b'c I'm trendy as fuck. I love that the Gray Lady published quotes of hipsters talking about how much their girlfriends like their beards. Claire digs mine, so I guess this isn't an instance of agenda journalism.

Listen: Podcast, no3

The third episode of "Pleasing To Your Ears" is up. Ladies and Gentlemen, start your iTunes. Here is the track list:

“Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep” by Middle of the Road
“Skip Divided” by Thom Yorke
“LDN” by Lily Allen
“Kate” by Sambassadeur
“Gouge Away” by Pixies
“Love My Way” by Grant-Lee Phillips
“Barbed Wire Love” by Stiff Little Fingers
“Never Ending Math Equation” by Modest Mouse
“The Funeral” by Band of Horses
“Tony the Beat” by The Sounds
“In the Flesh” by Blondie
“What a Waster” by The Libertines
“Deadwood” by Dirty Pretty Things
“Kick Out the Jams” by Rage Against the Machine

As usual, the podcast is available throught RSS or iTunes. Here are the appropriate links:

Click here to subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.
Click here to visit the "Pleasing To Your Ears" page in the iTunes Music Store, where you can pick and choose from available episodes.

Ummm, mp3 folks? I've got good news. I'm going to make mp3's of the show available. However, they'll only be available during the week of the show, so you'll have to d'load them on a timely basis. I'll let you know in a day or so once I've got those. Here are some links I mentioned:

Terry Gross interviews Thom Yorke on Fresh Air.
A modern classic: "Pump Up the Volume"

That's all for now. Please let me know what you think. Please tell your friends. Please tune in next week. Brooklyn massive!

Overseas Fees

Did you know that you can mail a 100% cotton t-shirt from NY to the UK for less than seven bucks? I did. I just mailed Nerd Elite's first overseas shirt order (sorry, tardy). So, to Simon M. of Reading, wear it with pride. Please don't flush it down the toilet, lest it end up part of the Leicester Square fatberg.

Linkology: 07.12.06

* Embarassing questions for the Entertainment Industry
* Jews for Jesus for Jobs
* Russian hidden camera prank with grim surprise ending
* Mark Jenkis installs fake people around D.C.
* Wisconsin town recreates Seurat's "Sunday Afternoon..."
* This ad is like a master's course on how to make the perfect commercial
* Christian Dior 2006 Fall collection: John Galliano is a robotic bad ass
* 1942 Military Comic: "How to Spot a Jap"
* Piglet Squid
* Self-stirring coffee mug
* "Get this thing off'a'me"
* Glurb
* Andrey Kuznetsov’s Movie-Inspired Lubki
* Boat seemingly floats in crystal clear Maldives water

Listen: Podcast, no2

The second episode of the podcast is available and I've even given the lot a name: Pleasing To Your Ears. Here is the track list:

"Fidelity" by Regina Spektor"
"Let's Make Love and Listen to Death From Above" by CSS
"Black History Month" by Death From Above 1979
"Don't Speak (I Came to Make a Bang!)" by Eagles of Death Metal
"Did I Step On Your Trumpet" by Danielson
"22 Grand Job" by The Rakes
"Scenic World" by Beirut
"Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
"Arrest Yourself" by Hot Chip
"Joker & the Thief" by Wolfmother
"Free Radicals (A Hallucination of the Christmas Skeleton Pleading with a Suicide Bomber)" by The Flaming Lips
"Modern Art" by Art Brut
"Incinerate" by Sonic Youth
"Bunk Trunk Skunk" by Be Your Own PET
"Alarm Call" by Bjork

Just a bit of administrative info...a new podcast will be available on Sunday evening of each week. They'll always be about an hour long unless I have a particularly busy/dry week. The files will only be available via iTunes and the ACC file format unless I hear otherwise (comment if you want an mp3). If you've yet to subscribe here are some links:

Click here to subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.
Click here to visit the "Pleasing To Your Ears" page in the iTunes Music Store, where you can pick and choose from available episodes.

Also, feedback is strongly encouraged. As are requests. Who knows, you might even get mentioned in the final edit. Tits.

Podcast In the iTunes Store

Sweet.

Podcast Link for iTunes Users

Click here to subscribe to the podcast if you're an iTunes user.

Listen: Podcast

I've wanted to try my hand at podcasting for a couple of months now, but my original idea wasn't possible for the time being b'c I'm not doing a ton of stand-up. So, I fall back on music. The podcast is an eclectic mix of new and old music of varying styles. It'll be weekly, about an hour long (56 MB file) and topping out at about 12-14 songs. Hope you enjoy.

The feed: http://www.nerdelite.com/av/podcast/podcast.xml

The songs featured on the podcast (July 6, 2006).

"Brooklyn Is Burning" by Head Automatica
"Sister In Love" by Envelopes
"Cowbell" by Tapes 'n Tapes
"Rollercoaster" by Sleater-Kinney
"Neverland" by The Knife
"Playhouses" by TV on the Radio
"Queen Bitch" by David Bowie
"We Used to Vacation" by Cold War Kids
"Idlewild Blues" by Outkast
"My Alcoholic Friends" by The Dresden Dolls
"Sukkafish" by The Grates
"Monday Morning" by The Charade
"Come Back Margaret" by Camera Obscura
"Fraud in the 80s" by Mates of State

Failure to Recap

I had a pretty great 4-day weekend. I hate blog posts that simply recap a series of bygone events and transactions, so if you don't mind I'll refrain. I'll just leave you with this: there was improv, food, and fun. And I climbed to the top of my roof. And I kicked it almost exclusively with chicks, which is how I prefer to roll.